8 Helpful Strategies For Dealing With The Pain Of Loneliness During Quarantine

​The pain of loneliness has been a part of the human journey since the first primordial man walked out of the muck. There have also been viruses and bugs that we have had to adapt to as we developed into the current model of human being that exists today.  And every season there is something new that we have to develop an immunity against for future generations. Throughout history, epidemics and pandemics have driven people into their homes to quarantine themselves to be safe. What’s different about this? Two things. It’s our turn and we are more interconnected at this time than any other point in history  and we can more easily share what we’re going through.

while being so interconnected has many benefits, it does make it more difficult to find time, space, or even the desire to disconnect from each other.  We all carry devices that make it possible for anyone to reach us any time and any place. Spending time disconnected is the luxury that we all believe we cannot afford as doing so would cause untold calamity in our lives. If we’re honest, I’ll bet many of us thought first about how we were going to stay connected to work before thinking about how we were going to stay connected to our family.
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In a recent study of 20,000 people conducted by Cigna, 47% of respondents reported feeling alone or left out. 13% reported feeling that there was no one, 0%, who knew them well. This pain of loneliness has now followed them into the quarantine and it is where many of us have been introduced to it in a sustained way for perhaps the first time in our lives. 

But what is loneliness actually?
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My favorite source, dictionary.com, defines loneliness as sadness because one has no friends or company. This definition seems to minimize the actual pain of loneliness doesn’t it?  Defining loneliness from a psychological perspective, however, the pain one experiences is included and loneliness is defined as the distress that you can experience when you don’t think you have the quantity or quality of social relationships that you desire.

From a psychological perspective then, you aren’t lonely because you have few friends and supports, you experience the pain of loneliness when you don’t have as many friends as you would like or those friendships don’t feel authentic and supportive. Loneliness depends entirely on how you feel about the quality of your relationships and whether you feel socially and/or emotionally connected to the people in your life.
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Loneliness has also been linked to physical and mental health problems such as heart disease, diabetes, anxiety, and depression. Some physical symptoms of loneliness are brain fog, muscle tension, digestive issues, decreased sex drive, weaker immune system. Headaches, and sleep disturbances (https://www.bustle.com/p/8-unexpected-physical-symptoms-of-loneliness-8750984).

Loneliness is something that we feel in a real and profound way and can have huge influence on how we are experiencing life during the current pandemic. But  what can we do? The quarantine is still necessary, and we can’t continue to feel like this.
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Here are 8 strategies that might help you when you are feeling the pain of loneliness during this quarantine

• Create a schedule and take breaks during the day- While many of you are working from home, you may find that you are spending all day online and not taking any breaks during the day. By the time you’re done for the day, you might not want to talk to anyone at all. But did you work like that when you were going into the office every day? Shows like The Office wouldn’t have been as successful if we couldn’t all relate to the goofing around and chatting with our work friends time that we all enjoy. So be more mindful about stepping away from the screen. It’s helpful to create and stick with a schedule. Something like start time, morning break, lunch, afternoon break, end time. I am encouraging my clients to set boundaries with bosses who want to use them as their own distraction from boredom. They don’t have to be available all hours of the day and night and their boss should not expect them to be.

• Stay active- Our physical and mental health is intertwined and while its simpler to focus on the emotional pain of loneliness, there is also physical pain that can be mitigated by a 30 minute walk outside or time in the garden or putting on that workout video that you hate but love at the same time or play with your dog. You don’t have to gain the quarantine 15.

• Do something meaningful- Loss of meaning can be a contributing factor to loneliness.  Maybe you’re not so much bored but losing the sense of what made you, you. All of us want to feel that our life has meaning. Doing something meaningful for someone or something can help restore a sense of purpose that will help you feel less lonely.

• Start planning for life after the pandemic- While this time feels like its never going to end, one day we will return to our normal lives. You have a once in a lifetime opportunity to really think about what you want your life to look like after the quarantine. Write a list of things you want to do right after the quarantine is lifted. Mine is going to the garden center and choosing the flowers I want in the garden this summer. Plan an event or outing with your friends. Create some life goals for yourself. Have you finished writing that ‘bucket list” yet?

• Give some tried and true distractions a chance- Read, watch movies and tv (there are some classics out there to discover), enhance your music appreciation and explore other genre’s of music to discover something new (use that to create an activity with friends where you share what you learned, or make it a competition to see who can get the most interest), try new recipes (bread anyone?), organize that messy closet where clothes and shoes go into witness protection, spring clean, put your winter clothes away ( save that for a couple of more weeks though, it’s still trying to warm up in Maryland).

• Be more kind to yourself- Stop feeling guilty because you’re struggling with the pain of loneliness. Reach out to someone who can help you get through it. Therapists all over the world have ramped up their online presence so you can find help anywhere you are.

• Learn something new and explore your creative side- It doesn’t have to be great; it just has to be interesting and entertaining to you. Paint, learn to crochet, write poetry, learn an instrument, learn how to play mahjong. YouTube is a treasure trove of how-to videos that can keep you occupied for hours learning the new interest.

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• Lastly, remember why you’re doing it- You’re not stuck at home because of a weather event. You’re at home because you are helping to halt the spread of a virus that has killed almost 60,000 of us in the U.S. and more than 200,000 people worldwide as of this date. We are all doing our part individually to eradicate a virus that is killing us collectively. You may not be sick, but you may be asymptomatic, and we all have a responsibility to do our part.

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So, while you may be feeling the pain of loneliness during this time of self-quarantine, you can break free of it. Try some of the strategies discussed above and see if it relieves some of your sadness. It can get better, but you must try something different to make it better.  And here’s one more idea. Go outside today. You aren’t going out to meet anyone, but you are going out to let Mother Nature take care of you a bit. Put on your mask and let her.

Are you feeling the pain of loneliness and can’t seem to find any relief? Schedule a free 20-minute consultation call with me, Melissa Watson-Clark, by filling out this form.